There are many analogies that have been used to describe life and people. When one thinks of a life analogy the first thing that comes to the minds of many is the famous "Life is like a box of chocolates...." from Forrest Gump. Truth is though, analogies help us to better understand and grasp the things that are going on around us and in our lives. It helps us to come to terms with things we may not want to deal with, or may not know how to cope with.
After my mom died last January, I knew eventually my step-dad would start dating and I was going to have to be prepared to explain this to my three children. My biological dad died when two of my kids were young, before the third was even thought of, so my step-dad is the only grandfather they've really known. I wasn't sure how to explain to them my step-dad's need to find a companion, since I wasn't sure they would fully understand the concept of loneliness. This is what I told them:
"There are two types of people in the world - there are anchors and then there are dinghies." And this is where I paused for them to stop laughing. "Do you know what a dinghy is, really? A dinghy is a small boat with no anchor that gets towed along behind a larger boat that has an anchor." The kids nodded and said they got that part, but didn't see how it applied to people.
"People who are anchors are okay living by themselves and can make it just fine on their own. Being with someone is a choice, not a necessity. They can make it through life holding their own in the sea of life and stay on course. But then you have people who are dinghies. Without an anchor, dinghies will drift astray and can't really find a sense of purpose or direction. Dinghies have to have an anchor or they'll get lost in the world."
There was a brief pause and then my oldest son said, "So, Grandpa's a dinghy?" to which everyone laughed and the subject was changed. It was clear they understood the message and that was the goal of the conversation so the topic was closed, or so I thought. Several months later this analogy came up again and this time stuck in my mind with the echo of a question. I was telling the analogy to a friend who, after learning about my step-dad's new relationship, asked me why it seemed so easy for him to move on while I was still having so much trouble coping with my mother's passing. I told her the "anchor and dinghy" analogy and summed it up with "he's a dinghy" and thought that was it. But a question began forming in the back of my mind....what happens when anchors are rocked loose?
Part 2: Getting a grip
Anchors are supposed to dig into the sand and hold you in place, they keep you from wandering and drifting, and more than anything they secure you. People who are anchors do this for themselves and for those around them. But sometimes, anchors are set adrift....they come loose...knocked unsteady by a strong wave or an underwater current.
As I thought about this I realized that this was me....I was an anchor who had been knocked loose by the rogue wave of my mother's death. I was drifting and couldn't find my grasp on life no matter how hard I tried. I was raking along the bottom of the ocean floor, unable to grab onto anything to hold myself into place. I tried to anchor myself onto the anchors in my life, but this started to pull them adrift with me. This, sadly, created a ripple effect. All of the "dinghies" in my life were suddenly unsettled and also started to drift. The anchors closest to me became unsettled and their hold on the sea floor became tenuous. The seas of life became choppy and the horizon appeared bleak. Something had to change. But what? How?
Now, this is where the more fundamental Christian would say "let Jesus be your anchor!" I'm sorry, this is a great thought, and my faith is there, but in practical application this is easier said than done. I knew the answers to my questions were going to require time, patience, soul-searching, and faith......a perfect storm of positivity to counter the rogue wave that had set me adrift in the first place.
I know God often works in mysterious ways, but my answers came in a most unexpected manner - another loss. Not long after writing the material above (like, within a couple of weeks), my mother's jewelry was stolen by a contractor doing work in my home. I was devastated, and even posted as my Facebook status that it was as though Mom was being ripped away from me all over again. The night I found her wedding rings missing I hit rock bottom...my ship crashed on the sharp rocks of the craggy coastline. If I was adrift before, I was spiraling down a whirlpool into an abyss that night. All I could think was, "I'm sorry, Mom....I'm so sorry." I felt like I'd let her down. My step-dad called me to tell me that it was okay, not to be upset, but I didn't take his call. My husband tried to comfort me, my daughter tried to comfort me, the police assured me that they would do everything they could to get her jewelry back, but I was inconsolable. I went to bed that night begging for sleep to take me quickly. I wanted darkness, numbness, an escape from the blanket of pain that was threatening to suffocate me.
I woke up the next morning angry. I wanted to burn down the world and spit in the ashes. Over breakfast that morning, I thought about how bad things kept happening to me and wondering why. The resulting blog, Being a Lighthouse for God, talked about how I seemed to be a magnet for drama and evil because I'm a Christian....I let God's light shine through me and evil seeks me like a moth to a flame. I am stalked by evil not because I'm a bad person, on the contrary, because I'm such a good person. While (hopefully) being a message to others, the blog post was a catharsis for me.....it allowed me to finally wrap my head around why my life has been nothing but one soap opera after another, why I have more drama happen in one week of my life than normally occurs in an entire season of whatever the latest teeny-bopper sitcom is, and why I can still pick myself up and move on through all of it. It was release and acceptance all in one, but in the process of writing that glorious release, something happened....an unexpected epiphany.
As I was typing this line about my mom's bridal set that was stolen...... "Those rings were my inheritance............"......something was stirring under the water's surface....."but they were just rings. Yes, they were extremely valuable financially. Yes, they were even more valuable because of the sentimental element involved. But those rings won't get me into or keep me out of Heaven ".....I could feel that something significant was brewing......".... and that's where God, Christ, and my mom are waiting for me.".......
CLICK! That, boys and girls, was the sound of an anchor catching on something. After I typed that statement, I had to stop for a few minutes. I read it, re-read it, and re-read it again and again - and the more I did so the more secure I felt in my holding. I wasn't drifting anymore. Yeah, Mom was gone, but not forever. Yes, the rogue wave of her passing had rocked me loose from the hold I had on life. But there is another life waiting for me after this one where she's waiting for me, where my dad is waiting for me, where my grandparents are waiting for me, where God is waiting for me, where ALL the people I love who aren't in this world are waiting for me......all I have to do is be patient.....keep on sailing for just a little while longer. That was all this anchor needed - hope for the things that faith tells me are coming in the life after this one. Hope. Faith. These are the rocks to which this anchor clings.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1
You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. - Job 11:18
I know there will still be rough times ahead - Christmas, the anniversary of her death, her birthday, etc. - but I think the worst is behind me. I may get rocked loose by rogue waves in the future, but they won't be because of Mom, and learning how to "get a grip" from this one may come in useful when the next wave hits. I just have to remember that this world is transitory. The problems here are temporary, the joys there will be permanent and everlasting. All I have to do is be patient, bide my time, and wait until the day when I am called to my true home with the Emperor Over The Sea.
Until then, Mom....save a place for me.
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love... - Psalm 33:18
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - Romans 12:12
..but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31 NIV
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